I do envy those sociable guys. It’s not that I hate being sociable but I am just not. Sometimes I even feel excited at the occasion of social intercourse; the problem is I am really bad at that and often find myself conveying false messages. Especially when I’m expected to tell white lies out of social etiquette, I would appear guilty with wandering eyes or unnatural tones, from which the listener can see me through straight away. That’s why I’d rather not try to speak insincerely. This is where I cannot forgive myself and I never like to beautify my shortcomings. I am not socially adaptable, neither candid nor untruthful enough, not going to extremes, which is the worst thing as far as I’m concerned. I like to observe and gradually get to know the people around me from my own perspective. I find out that the so-called “perfunctory performers” are simply pretending to act in a “perfunctory” manner; the truth is: they are not good at it and their genuine personality is often hidden “under the bed”. Findings of this sort greatly attract me and I’m more than happy to devote my time to them. The reason why I’ve developed no similar habits might be that I’m in a different habit: I’m lagging behind the social context of the this age. This demands much self-examination but is hard to rectify.

- Huang Yuxing